May.
Mother’s Day.
2021.
A weekend in Big Sur.
I’ve always dreamed of attending a yoga retreat on Mother’s Day weekend. I’ve needed a break from mothering ever since I became a mom.
Deacon was 10 months old on my first Mother’s Day. I took a yoga class that day and felt guilty for leaving my baby to take time for myself.
I was pregnant with Dylan on my second Mother’s Day. I went to Target that day.
My third Mother’s Day was at the height of the pandemic. I ordered doughnuts and locked myself in my room to eat them in peace.
My dream finally came true on my fourth Mother’s Day. I attended a yoga workshop this past weekend and did not feel guilty at all.
Big Sur is one of my favorite places and I’ve always wanted to go to Esalen. I looked up what workshops they had Mother’s Day weekend and found one titled “Preparing for Motherhood: A Guided Cosmic Yoga Nidra Workshop.” I really didn’t know anything about Cosmic Yoga Nidra. But I thought yeah, I could still use some preparing for motherhood.
After a 5.5 hour drive I arrived at a truly magical place. I was surrounded by beautiful lush gardens and vibrant colors. I cleansed my spirit in a natural hot springs bath and inhaled the scent of the forest. And I listened to the waves crash against the mountains as I enjoyed meals created from produce on the Esalen farm.
The first night of the workshop we shared our intentions for the weekend. My intention was to have some time for myself.
The second day we learned about Samskaras, which are habits we’ve inherited. Then we created a Sankalpa, which is a vow you make in harmony with your heart and your mind. An intention that you feel with your whole body. We did this by first writing down a few options. Then we tested them by saying each one silently in our head while feeling how it felt in our bodies. The one that felt most right in my body was: I am free.
On the last day we did a Kundalini practice before our final Nidra. But first we each pulled a card from The Wild Unknown Tarot Deck. The card I pulled was: mother of wands. It featured a beautiful illustration of a mama snake protecting her baby eggs. The guidebook described a vibrant woman and happy mother who is very protective of her family. We ended the weekend with a closing circle expressing our gratitude for the wonderful experience we shared.
I headed back home to spend the rest of Mother’s Day with my babies. I gave them big hugs and held them for as long as they’d let me. I know I can’t always protect them, but I can love them unconditionally. And that starts with loving myself unconditionally and allowing myself time away from them when I need it, guilt free.
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One Year Later.
2022.
A weekend in Ojai.
“A writer is one who writes, so make writing a priority for at least part of each day.” — The Way of Story: The Craft & Soul of Writing, by Catherine Ann Jones.
My yoga practice includes asana, meditation, and writing.
I’ve wanted to visit Ojai, the magical city that’s nestled in the valley of the Topatopa mountains, for a while.
Last year I read Heal Your Self with Writing, by Catherine Ann Jones and I took a writing class, Crafting Memoir: The Self-Discovery of Writing Your Story, with her earlier this year. Catherine lives in Ojai and talks about it often. So, I took this as a sign to make Ojai my Mother’s Day weekend trip for this year.
The drive to Ojai from Truckee is about 8 hours including a stop for lunch. So really I only had one day in Ojai because Friday and Sunday were full travel days. But Saturday was a pretty magical day.
I started the day with a morning bun and latte at The Dutchess. I sat at the bar and enjoyed drinking my coffee hot with no children screaming mama at me. It was glorious.
After breakfast I walked over to Light and Space for a power yoga class. I prefer more gentle yoga, but surprisingly loved this power yoga class.
Next, I drove to Meditation Mount to meditate with Mother Earth. I walked along the sanctuary path, stepped through the wooden portal to the garden of peace, and took in the sacred views.
Then I stopped for lunch at The Nest. I enjoyed my fish tacos and rosé outside, sans kids, another glorious meal.
After lunch I walked over to Bart's Books. I picked out books for me, the husband, and kids. Then I grabbed an iced latte at Beacon Coffee and sat down to read.
On the walk back to my hotel I spotted a sign inviting me to move through the 7 directions of intentions on a Chumash medicine wheel. I recited my intention “I am free” to the South, West, North, East, Earth, Sky, and Inward.
Next, I headed back to my “nest” to rest.
After resting I drove over to Farmer and the Cook for some pizza and salad. During this meal I decided to FaceTime my babies. Then, I ended the night with some gelato from Sanders & Sons.
Back at my hotel I took out my laptop and started to write before going to bed.
I woke up on Mother’s Day sore from my power yoga class, packed up my stuff, got in the car, grabbed an iced coffee, and began the 8 hour trip back home.
Mama Earth decided to deliver some snow this Mother’s Day. The road conditions and visibility were getting worse the closer I got to Truckee. I started to think, great, this is how it all ends. Tadasana Mama dies on Mother’s Day driving over a snowy mountain pass.
Then Jersey Girl by Bruce Springsteen started playing on the radio and I remembered I’m from Jersey, I can drive through anything.
I got home safely and gave my babies hugs and kisses. We cuddled on the couch to warm up after playing in the snow. Then Jeffrey made Spaghetti Limone for dinner and I could still hear Bruce singing: “nothing matters in this whole wide world… when you’re in love with a Jersey girl.”
Someone once told me that no one even reads what I write. Note: that someone may or may not be my husband who I voluntarily chose to work with on Yoga then Pizza. I pointed out that the pizza section of our post didn’t make sense and we needed to edit it. Second note: I may be incorrectly remembering the exact words he used in response to me criticizing his pizza recipe, but that is how I interpreted what he was saying.
Maybe no one reads what I write, but that is not why I write. I write for me.
So, I invite you to also write like no one is reading, say mantras out loud during meditation like no one is listening, and practice yoga like no one is watching.
