January.
New Year’s Resolution.
2021.
New Year, Finally Me.
My new year’s resolutions are usually something like lose 20 pounds and grow 5 inches taller. I’ve always wanted to be tall, thin, and beautiful. I wanted to be whatever I thought I was supposed to be. Tall and thin = beautiful. Working at certain companies and making a lot of money = successful. What I’ve finally realized is that we were all born into this world already beautiful and successful.
I often say that motherhood is the best and worst. My boys, at just 1 and 3 years old, have already taught me so much. They are the best teachers and I never want them to think that they need to be anyone other than themselves. They are Deacon and Dylan and they are my most beautiful success in life.
Acknowledging my faults and actively working on improving them is the worst part of parenting. The “do as I say, and not as I do” parenting method hasn’t been working for me, so I’ve started to ask myself a question from one of my favorite books.
“Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?” — Daring Greatly, Brené Brown
For my end of year performance review I created three goals for myself for 2021. And since 2020 has merged work and home, these goals apply to my whole life.
1. Have more self-compassion and compassion for others
Imposter syndrome is something I am very familiar with. It’s something I experience every time I start a new job. When I started working at my current job, almost 3 years ago, Deacon was an infant. The major difference with starting a new job this time around is I was struggling with imposter syndrome both at work and at home. And 3 years later, it’s something I still struggle with. I’m still figuring out the whole working mom thing, so in 2021 I will practice compassion towards myself and others.
2. Build my confidence and find my voice
Self-confidence is another thing I struggle with. When I became a mom my confidence level dropped significantly. How do you confidently make decisions on behalf of your babies? I went to doctor appointments looking for specific instructions on how to raise my boys. The pediatrician would look at me and say “you have to do what’s right for your family.” I’m still figuring out what’s right for my family, so in 2021 I will spend more time listening to my family, responding to their needs, and speaking up if I need something from them.
3. Find a way to balance all the aspects of my life
I reached a breaking point in 2020 trying to balance work and life during a pandemic. In 2021 I will set better boundaries for myself both at work and at home. Setting boundaries is something I’m still working on. I thought being good meant doing what you’re told to do even if you don’t want to do it. But then I asked myself, am I being the adult I want my children to grow up to be? I don’t want my kids to just do whatever they’re told to do their whole lives. I want them to be themselves and live their lives fully.
I’m looking forward to a year filled with compassion, confidence, and balance.
Happy New Year!
_______
One Year Later.
2022.
New Year, Same Resolutions.
“May you be blessed with a child . . .
Who defies you
So you learn to release control,
With one who doesn’t listen
So you learn to tune in,
With one who loves to procrastinate
So you learn the beauty of stillness,
With one who forgets things
So you learn to let go of attachments,
With one who is extra-sensitive
So you learn to be grounded,
With one who is inattentive
So you learn to be focused,
With one who dares to rebel
So you learn to think outside the box,
With one who feels afraid
So you learn to trust the universe.
May you be blessed with a child . . .
Who teaches you
That it is never about them
And all about you.”
— The Awakened Family, Shefali Tsabary Ph.D.
I have been blessed with all of the above. My boys are 2 and 4 years old now and I’m still learning so much from them.
COMPASSION
“The heart of compassion is really acceptance. The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become. Well, it’s difficult to accept people when they are hurting us or taking advantage of us or walking all over us… if we really want to practice compassion, we have to start by setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their behavior.” — The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown
Deacon has always been great at boundaries. When he was two years old he was sitting on the couch and I went to sit down next to him. He looked at me and said “mama, space.” I remember thinking: you’re two feet tall, how much space do you need? But, I respected his boundary and moved over to the other side of the couch. I’m still working on setting boundaries and holding people accountable if they don’t respect them. Thank you Deacon for teaching me daily, sometimes hourly, the importance of boundaries.
CONFIDENCE
“If you keep living with confidence, the rest of your life will unfold exactly as it is meant to. It won’t always be comfortable. Some will recognize your brave; others won’t. Some will understand and like you; others won’t. But the way others respond to your confidence is not your business. Your business is to stay loyal to you. That way, you will always know that those who do like and love you are really your people. You’ll never be forced to hide or act in order to keep people if you don’t hide or act to get them.” — Untamed, Glennon Doyle
Dylan is in preschool now. When he first started there were tears at drop off every morning and now he just runs in. At pick up one day I asked the teacher about him and she said oh he’s so cute and funny, he walks around like he owns the place. My baby, walking with confidence. Please teach me how to do that.
BALANCE
“The guiding principle of Ayurveda is that the mind exerts the deepest influence on the body, and freedom from sickness depends upon contacting our own awareness, bringing it into balance, and then extending that balance to the body. This state of balanced awareness, more than any kind of physical immunity, creates a higher state of health.” — Perfect Health, Deepak Chopra
My oncologist cleared me to return to work. But the thought of going back brings up a lot of anxiety. It feels like the wrong thing to do for me and my family. I’ve had multiple people tell me I can’t leave my job. What about the great benefits, you have cancer! What about job security, we’re still in a pandemic! Everyone wants to work at that company, you can’t quit! But your stock hasn’t fully vested, just wait it out a little longer!
“Listen to your inner voice, even if logically it makes no sense, it’s never wrong.” — Heal Your Self with Writing, Catherine Ann Jones
I’m still working on compassion, confidence, and balance but I think I’ve finally found my voice. People always say to trust the universe, put your trust in something that is greater than you. I finally learned that the universe is not out there but it is in all of us. So really, what I finally learned is to trust myself. I invite you to tune out the voices of others, listen to your inner voice, and learn to trust yourself.
